I must vacate. Bon Voyage.

No I'm not leaving blogland.... just LA, and not even for good. I decided today I need a vacation and the second I said it out loud to my friend Pattycakes he said, "can you drive stick shift?". "Sure 'nuff I can." I responded.
"Then to Portland we shall go, how about Monday?" Patty
"Ok" Me.
"Do you want to get some free tatoo's?" P-cake
"why not" me.
So it was settled I'd be leaving for a lil' road trip with the wise and wonderful Pattycakes for free tatoo's, then the fear instantly set in. For, you see, my dear old crazy mama lives in Oregon. I swear she has my phone tapped because the second after we made the plans my call waiting went off and who should be on the other end... old nut bag herself. In my excitement I blurted out I'm going to Oregon next week. Then she started working the leave a day early game and stay at my place it's right on the way off the 5.

Don't get me wrong I love my mom it's just we don't have the best history with our visits. Like the time I left her in the Dallas airport on our way home from Mexico when she was supposed to come and stay with me in LA, screaming stay the hell away from me you crazy bat, that's it i'm through with you... DONE! Or there was the raod trip we took when I was younger and she wouldn't stop pulling my hair and poking me which in turn made me cuss which made her pull and poke more which made me cuss more and so on and so on I'm not even sure who started it. We eventually had to pull over and seperate for like twenty minutes, by seperating I mean we walked in opposite directions down the moonlit highway mumbling to ourselves. Then there was the time we were camping and and she pooped in the lake while we were swimming and told me to grab the stick. She also likes to "borrow" money from my purse when I'm not looking. It always makes my vacations the best. I also have this terrible thing that I do when I see someone I love for only a brief moment in time and have to leave them, I turn into a raging bitch. I'm a monster and I didn't know for a long time until an ex-boyfriend of mine came to visit my mom with me and taped the goodbye at the airport. When we got home he played it for me... I was horrified. I laughed my ass off watching it, but I saw my flaw. So now after several years I have to prepare for yet another visit.