Man Woman Nothing.

This was an old perfomance piece of mine back in the salad days, Man Woman Nothing. I don't know where a copy of it is but I keep thinking about it lately. It went something like this...

There is nothing on the stage except a woman in a perfect dress with an apron. Lights are very cold and strangely dim. Woman is just standing staring at nothing when in walks man in suit with briefcase, sets case down and stares in opposite direction.

All converstion is very monotone and unemotional.

Woman- Welcome home honey.

Man- Thank you.

(Music starts very quietly and it's Danny Elfman'esque horror film music, as converstion moves along it progressively gets louder)

Woman- How was work?
[Long pause]

Man- Fine.
[Long pause]

Woman- Good.
[Long pause]

Man- How was your day?
[Long pause]

Woman- Fine.
[Long pause]

Man- Good.
[Long pause]
( the lights are slowly throughout conversation changing to a very eerie dim green until the whole stage is consumed. Music is getting louder)

Woman- Are you hungry?
[Long pause]

Man- Yes.
[Long pause]

Woman- Ok.
[Long pause]

Man- I will pay bills tomorrow.
[Long pause]

Woman- Your ex called.
[Long pause]

Man- Are there any clean dishes?
[Long pause]

Woman- I'm going to bed.
[Long pause]

Man- I'm going to work on the computer.
[Long pause]

Woman- I love you.
[Long pause]

Man- I love you.


Lights fade slowly to black as music becomes obnoxiously loud. In the darkness you hear the faint sound of an old fasioned jack in the box. Music fades down as lights fade up. Woman is sitting legs out straight on floor with jack in the box between her knees. She is hunched over jack cranking the handle watching the top of it. She cranks it very slowly and music fades until it is just the sound of the jack in the box. The lid pops open and jack pops out. The woman starts laughing in a very deep evil villian sort of way as she begins to manaically scratch her outer legs. Creepy music suddenly is on and louder than ever as she scratches and laughs.



Lights fade down first, music follows.


I think that was the same show I stapled ham to a crappy novel. Apparently I wasn't a woman of many words back then.