movin' right on through old savies

I find it very entertaining that everyone who lives at my house, when the premise of them living at my house is that they have no where else to go, always hits a point where they feel they know better than me how I should be living my life. I like to put things in the wrong place, I like my cloths on my floor, I like to have cartoons on the wall, and if I feel like sleeping on the kitchen floor then I will. I don't expect anyone in my house to do anything but one thing and that is be nice to me. If you don't like who I am or how I live my life I didn't really ask to pay for your existence I just thought it would be nice if you had somewhere to go. It's funny when people start feeling stable in other peoples environments they think they have some say about it. Look if I am truly hurting anyone all you have to do is tell me and I will more than likely change. I do not enjoy making people uncomfortable nor do I enjoy hurting anyone. I was trying to be nice. I can sure as hell guarantee if anyone let me live in their place whether it be a relationship beyond friendship or not I would never do anything but be grateful. I have been on that end several times and I was nothing but polite and grateful. People expect too much and don't give credit where credit is due. It's easier to blame someone else for your shortcomings rather than create some longcomings for yourself. BORING!!!!!

I apparently started writing this piece some time ago. I apparently started writing a lot of them. In my past posts there are a ton of drafts I just never finished writing. Spoutings of anger to put in some form of writing to keep myself from getting too depressed. It's funny for someone who said for so many years that I like to be alone... well I think I've only been alone for a total of a few months in the last ten years. I find it very interesting. Maybe I don't want to be alone at all. Maybe I was blaming others for my shortcomings, my inability to live with others without becoming too attached. I like people, I like having special friendships and bonds with people. I like sharing secrets with people, I like them to share secrets with me. I don't think I do like being alone. In fact, I know I hate it. I don't like what money does to people. I don't like how past relationships consume and ruin people. I don't like being lied to. I have a hard time with people when they hate themselves. I hate it when people can't share, or don't know how to. I hate it when people blame others for everything and can't accept the fact that we create our own happiness. Someone else can't make your life anything. They can give you little pieces that help glue it all together, but really they don't have much to do with what you want and can have in life. There are a lot of people who genuinely get excited to see you do things you love doing and support those things but you create it.