Praise Be to Thee on a Knee with the Gawlee.

So I started thinking the other day about church. I was thinking about how every week on a particular day maybe even two or three, depending on your religion, this same group comes to gather in this persons home. This person is never there mind you but behind he has left this book(his great great book), a couple in some churches. Now the group "congregates" to, often, first go sit through their weekly class to discuss different parts of this book trying to dicifur exactly what it's content means. Then the different classes(usually seperated by age groups) go to this very large ornate room surrounded by colored windows to sit in seats they lovingly call pews to listen to whomever is at the front behind the wooden stand with the microphone try his or her best to break down this books meaning, many times applying it to stories from their own life. Then occasionally they take a break to sing together about this great book and its wonder, or to dip a child in a pool, or to drink wine or grape juice and eat bread or wafers while pretending it's the main character from the books flesh and blood. So for centuries we have been trying to figure out the meaning of this book and how it applies to our lives and how to better life by this book. There have been wars and death and much confusion about this book and it's characters, one of which is a zombie "walking dead" who hung on a giant cross with nails through his hands and stuff until he died. Then they stuck him in this cave with a big ol' rock in front of it, and he rose from the dead to tell us he died for our sins. Who is this guy. A couple days in a cave and this dead guy thinks all our sins are his, that'll eliminte our guilt for not being responsible. The people who are going to these places to talk about this guys and his stories are loving that he did this for them, they are eating snacks(may I remind you) pretending they are eating him. I thought it was the zombie that ate the people and their brains, not the other way around. Then I started thinking why doesn't this phenomena happen with the other books? Why don't people meet once a week to have classes and services, singing, and trying to unravel the works of Dr. Suess? Eating jelly beans and drinking Mountain Dew pretending it's the fur of the Wozzit in the closet? Is it a better life to lead, like Sam, not eating green eggs and ham?

Suess 116
I love the Suess:
Because He hath heard my voice and my supplications.
Because He hath inclined his ear unto me:
Therefore will I call upon him as long as I live.

Then we all rise and break into song.

Fellowship with Suess
Draw Thou My Soul, O Suess

Draw Thou my soul, O Suess, Closer to my Voose in the Caboose; Breath into every wish Thy will divine, the gish in the dish. Raise my low self above the Nuv in the glove. I do not hath the guilt I am I do not hath it Sam I am. Closer to thee Suess away from guilt and wrong. Closer to thee Suess I am a felt thong. A-men.

Then the congregation will say a prayer and gather into the fellowship hall for a potluck of gelatinous green and yellow and red dishes. Imagine the holy wars then. Would Whoville be the holy land? Is the Grinch the devil? We have love in our hearts for him but he's the dark force to follow. Watch out for Grench worshipers, and their metal music. Instead of wearing crosses we'd have Wockets in our pockets.

Ok enough already!